5 Ways To Feel Confident In Your Body When DatingMay 30, 2022
So you’re in the dating game but not feeling amazing in it because you’re struggling with feeling confident and sexy in your body?
Maybe you’re not feeling enough physically. Not enough to 'compete with' everyone else on the apps. Not 'hot enough' to get the kinda person you want? Not confident getting naked in bed and being your authentic self?
I get it. The dating world is a bit of a shit-show so not feeling the best in your body doesn’t help does it? It’s one thing feeling uncomfortable in your body alone - but to be getting so vulnerable physically in front of a new person too - is daunting. It can sometimes feel like handing over your worth to a practical stranger. If THEY approve, if THEY ask for a second date, if THEY want to be exclusive, if THEY choose us - THEN we’re worthy. Then we’re attractive enough.
Especially when beauty can be seen in our society as such a strong currency in the early days of dating - it’s hard not to feel the pressure.
I know for me I would literally starve myself for days before a date, to make my stomach as flat as possible and to subsequently feel as confident as I could (toxic af, I know). Of course, the guy probably would never notice - but it was my own beliefs, and projected beliefs too — thinking what he’s thinking - assuming what that person likes physically.
So how can we show up more authentically in dating? How can we feel safe in our body? How can we unleash our sensual feminine side without being hindered by body image woes?
Let's dive into a few key tools to help you feel more confident in your body while dating:
Remember that it can get very 'heady' in dating - lots of overthinking and overanalysing. So going back to basics here and practicing mindfulness: objectively witnessing your thoughts without judgment.
Knowing that our thoughts are not always factual. It’s up to you (the consciousness observing the thoughts) to decide if you want to latch on and believe the thoughts + act on them. Or not. You get to break the chain of think > believe > act.
So thinking that the person on the date doesn’t find you attractive, or that they’ll find your bloated belly gross in bed, or that you’re not hot enough to ever find someone… these are NOT 100% fact. We often forget that the thoughts the pop into our head can be complete BS. Bring more consciousness to these thoughts. Catch them in the act. Catch yourself believing them.
2. ASSESS YOUR BELIEFS
Maybe there are some more solid beliefs like ‘I’ll be more attractive in x body’ or ‘people prefer this type of body’ or ‘looks matter so much’. You get to choose your beliefs so choose beliefs that HELP you not HINDER you. Maybe it’s ‘my energy/personality/confidence is powerful/attractive’. Our brain always wants to be RIGHT - so if you believe thin women get more attention, you’re constantly scanning the world to prove yourself right. It’s a primal instinct to want to always be right. So flip it, how can you start proving your new belief right? Start small ‘Oh, they swiped right for me? It’s because my confidence shines through in photos’… ‘They asked for a second date, it’s because my energy was on point tonight’…..and notice where you’re deciding on someone else beliefs - believing that they prefer this boob size or that body shape etc. That’s not for you to fill in the blanks.
3. You are MORE THAN A BODY
This can relate to a new belief you might want to take on. We want to keep coming back to this point - we are SO much more than a body. In dating especially we often reduce ourselves to our looks, ratings etc. We are ALL so much more than a body. It’s SO much more than that. Truly seeing this relieves you of the pressure to be perfect physically. Finding more body image resilience - i.e. knowing there’ll be tough days, your body is ever-changing, but finding our self worth in something other than our body. You're never going to be hot enough your whole life to always feel hot. Curate your own set of body image resilience tools - what helps you in those difficult moments.
4. NOT GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER
Stop giving away your worth to someone else. In dating, it's easy to seek external validation from this other person. But this can take you for a RIDE! Keep focusing on internal validation. Knowing when you are seeking it externally - and knowing what brings you back to you. How can you truly feel enough as you are regardless of what your dating partner says or does. Build your OWN relationship - like your own date nights where treat yourself, show yourself love, see how amazing you are.
5. GROUND YOURSELF
Lastly, to continue connecting more WITH your body, and getting out of your head. Ground yourself through breath-work, movement, nature, meditation, body scans, mirror work. This helps us move out of the whole ‘my body is an ornament / project / piece of currency’ to 'my body IS good regardless of how good it looks'. It’s incredible because it does xyz. It’s safe to be in this body. It’s sensual to be in THIS body - maybe that means reconnecting with your sensuality - self-pleasure, naked selfies just for you, painting your naked body, naked mirror work, breath work. You’re an incredible woman, with a woman’s body. Your body can do fucking awesome things! The more you can feel this sensuality, confidence, power from within - the less we’re thrown by someone saying no to us or ghosting us. We FEEL our femininity + worthiness already. It’s like if someone says 'you're dumb' but you know you’re super smart - it doesn’t phase you. Same thing here.
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